This is why Boys Don't Like Me: Episode 2

I will not lie to stroke his ego. I'm not going to giggle and pretend I'm into something I'm not just to make him feel like he's hot shit. If I don't care, sorry boutcha luck, but I don't care.
"No, I'm not into you're band. Hardcore death metal was maybe my thing for ten seconds when I was 15. I am now no longer 15. Thusly, it is not me anymore. Yes, you're totally cute and have a smirk I can't resist, but I don't care about your band. Sorry, man. Doesn't change the fact that I can't resist your smirk but I'm not gonna listen to your metal band."

I realize this means I fail utterly at flirting. Apparently, flirting means giggling incoherently and pretending that whoever you're flirting with is the Ultimate King of Awesome. Simpering, blubbering, nonsense. I opt out. I prefer not to let my brain drain out my ears when a cute boy is around, thanks. I'll stick with Gears of War and my friend-zone, if that's the alternative.

This is Why Boys Don't Like Me: Episode 1.5

I wear office supplies. This confuses boys. I guess the whole office supplies are for the office not for adornment thing. Boys confuse easily. Like cats. ^_^

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

On Buffy

So I've just started watching Buffy and I'm in the second season. I've noticed a few things that strike me as odd.
Why does no one notice that Xander is hot? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Dude is not only adorably nerdy, but ripped! And no one can tell me he's younger than me playing that 16 year old. That man has graduated college. Nicholas whatever....
Why are Buffy's boobs like an independent character? She is always wearing a black bra with some white plunging shirt. my high school was relaxed with their dress code but.... Hell, she dresses more provocatively than that popular girl. You'd think someone, like her mother, might have said something like "don't dress you actual age, but the age of your character." something like that. buffy's boobs are everywhere!
Also: omg the 90s. and cibo matto? how cool is that? and why do they get a high school club and we didn't? the bronze? part of me thinks that's a brilliant plan. part of me thinks its idiotic. you could serve mocktails, but kids don't spend money...
so that's some random ramblings on the subject. I'm definitely enjoying it, though!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

This is Why Boys Don't Like Me: Episode 1

Rocking out to midis from Doom I and II at work.
Problems with this include:
1. Midis are so very antequated it makes me look retro in a bad way. People like people who don't live in the past. Not even a cool past. A past full of nerds. With gallons of gatorade and three-day-old pizza.
2. Boys don't like girls that like "boy type" things such as Doom. Guys like girls who are wholly different. Ethereal magical beings that shit rainbows and wear hooker heels. Not girls who wear combat boots and like violent video games. The mere mention of Doom makes boys put me in a category of "friend" rather than "potential date material". They simply aren't advanced enough to reconcile the two concepts. "Yes, I like violent video games and boys. No, I don't want to join your LAN party. I would rather dance. Yes, I still like video games. Ugh, just go away."
3. Rocking out. At all. People think I'm just crazy. "Oh, her? She's wiggling oddly. What's she listening to? I don't know, some weird computer sounds. Yeah, I know right? Superweird."

NOTE: Demons are cool. It is a proven fact. Demons = cool. I stand by my statement that got me kept after class in the 5th grade. Demons ARE cool. Glowing red eyes, blood dripping from their fangs, horns, creepy grins and all. Totally awesome. I know it's a boy thing or whatever, but I don't care. I'm not into dolphins, I like demons. Maybe I'll start saying, "DUDE that dress is SO DEMONS."

IRRELEVENT: I just found out who makes that song "Wishing Well" that I can't walk into a Marshalls/TJ Maxx without hearing. Terrence Trent D'Arby. WTF, dude? That shit is awful. In fact, I AVOID walking into Marshalls/TJ Maxx for fear of hearing that song, among a few others. "I Believe in Miracles" is one other. I can't handle it. Seriously, try walking into Marshalls TODAY, listen to the musaak and tell me it isn't Terrence Trent D'Arby. Maybe it's not playing immediately after you walk in, but it'll play if you actually shop. DO IT. You will see how right I am.

E

Always nice to me though he didn't have to be. He made me feel special and valued in a place i'd come to think of as home. He was the final thing to convince me I belonged. That I was supposed to be there, and I wasn't faking anything. I'd walk up and we'd exchange pleasantries and he'd stamp my hand, refuse my money and wave me in with a "sweetie" or a "baby" or a "honey". I wish i'd paid more attention to which he called me, but it made me feel nice, anyway. It was particularly fun when there were people behind me that he made pay. I felt like some VIP at a much fancier club. But this was my space, my home. And he made me feel welcome with a smile and a chuckle. I miss him already.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

flowers

It has never occured to me to express my thoughts through flowers. I mean, there are so many easier methods of expression. You could try writing or hell, the spoken word isn't dead yet and its less likely to be misinterpreted. What the hell can flowers really say, anyway? Sounds to me like a recipe for miscommunication. "hi, let's hang out, have a daisy!" "what?"
It's like epiphanies a la Wordsworth: "So I was walking and OMG DAFFODILS! Dude! Daffodils! I mean, like totally daffodils, you know?" "No. I'm sorry, sir. Your daffodils mean nothing to me."
Seriously, they're pretty and all, but they don't mean shit.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

Offspring's Smash

That album has been deeply appealing lately, and I don't know why. I remember listening to it during the science fair in the 6th grade when I was "going out" with Elliott. I just can't get enough, lately, of "Smash", "Come Out and Play", "Kilboy Powerhead" and "It'll be a long time". I've always loved this album but the last few weeks I can't get enough post-punk 90's screaming. I guess I'm just in the mood or something.

I have a real 90's problem. Gosh, when this album came out I couldn't have been any older than nine. Barely sentient. I was still way into Nickelodeon. I can't explain the deep fondness for 90's music. Perhaps it's the onset of cynicism without politics. Angst without sappiness. Raw, unchecked, frustration and anger without anything saving it from it's own destruction. Kurt Cobain died. Killed himself. He was the martyr or... something. It was a symbol of the mood of the decade. It was a depressing time. All culminating into Woodstock 99. A horrifying example of what happens when a decade of youths burn themselves to pieces and take down the previous generation's symbols with it.

The horror, the horror. But, maybe all that has something to do with why I love the 90s. Tortured, barely contained madness. A lack of personal identity directly proceeding a time of invention and innovation. Seems like a metaphor for my life.

I love it because it hurts. Because it's pain, anger, madness distilled into chords and beats and sweat.

My dad said to me recently, "I basically don't like metal. You basically do." I always think also of what he's always told me, "You can't like any music until you figure out how to dance to it." I realized how true it is. I've always known how to dance to metal, and grunge. Spasms of frustrated madness. Wrenching, tearing, beating. Feel the beat in your gut and burst out in ecstatic waves of everything you've ever hated and loved all at once. It's a dance I've always known. A dance I've always done. He's right. I basically love this, and always will. And I fully believe it's because my body innately knows how to move to it.