is this adulthood?

Retracing my steps to the first place i felt young in a good way. Listening to songs i danced to in the womb. Drinking way too much nostalgic hounddog's coffee and wanting to drive and listen to 90s metal all night. Parking in the same spot my cousin took me to for driving practice in the later-christened Millenium Falcon when i was 16. Singing karaoke but still too afraid to do it alone(and go all out). Still being too afraid to go to a new place cuz im not cool enough. Still feeling self-conscious with the cool kids (though i fully acknowledge that they dont think they're cool, and none of us have ever felt like the cool kids) because i don't look hot or tough or really much of anything other than vaguely quirky. Shit! that was totally a cop car just now and i have no idea why they blew me off!
Seriously, is this what adulthood is about? Cuz i still feel like a kid. Like it's taken me five years to be 21. Is this how my whole life will be? Will it take me another five years to feel 22 and emotionally prepared to make life-decisions other 22-year-olds make (like grad school, for instance)? Am i emotionally slow or overly cautious? Is it my lack of adventuring spirit holding me back or my lack of self-confidence? Or must this phenomenon be considered "holding me back"? Is this even a fault of mine? Could my refusal to enter adulthood be a good thing? It's not like i'm not having fun.
In conclusion:
1. I love The Clash and "Lost in the Supermarket" just makes me happy.
2. Though it's changed a lot, Hounddog's remains awesome and the source of many nostalgic warm fuzziness.
3. Cheap 3am coffee is the scent-memory of countless endless nights of laughter and love and infinity. Of "young in a good way" and "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" on the brain. Of past life memories of Jack and Allen in New York.
4. Prince is universal.
5. In the end, maybe adulthood is about the freedom and contentment of being alone in your car listening to music at quarter-till 5am. Yes, i'm listening to "The Bad Touch" again tonight, but this time LOUDER!
Happy Birthday to me. ^_^

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.9