I've been told, often, that I shouldn't complain so often about OKC if I never message people back. Or I never message people first. Thing is: I do message back. Sometimes I even message them first. I talk for a bit and they're ok. Then they freak out. I say something wrong and they disappear. Forever. Told one dude I like to color with crayons. It was true, I used to do it every week at Kafe Kerouac. It was fun! Relaxing social time with nice folks and pretty colors. Never heard from him again. Said I liked bloody movies - never heard from that guy again. Invited a guy to Havanna with some friends of mine. We'd been trying to hang out almost every night for a week. Never heard from him again either. I'm not even going to go into the guy that's messaged me three times, always in February, and asks me the exact same questions - all which end up with a "how do you feel about god" thing, despite the obvious answer on my profile that says I'm VERY SERIOUS about Atheism... "You know, I don't know how I feel about a hypothetical deity. Kinda like feeling something about gnomes, don't you think?"
Guys I've messaged first have often ended up annoying in a "I'm not really listening to what you're saying" kind of way, or the Negative Nancy type I mentioned previously, or the "I'm superhyper interested JUST CUZ you showed me the slightest attention" type. Yeah... sometimes I message dudes cuz I think their cat is cute. Not gonna lie about that. Doesn't mean we're soul mates. Also doesn't mean I wanna join your LAN party. Maybe I just want someone to talk to about cats.
So when guys (friends, mostly) come back and say, "you should give a guy a chance" or "you should start the conversation - sometimes it's hard", I can't help but say, "You know what's not hard? Reading. I could be doing that and get a lot more out of it. AND - bonus deal- I wouldn't have to feel guilty for no reason if I did that instead!"
I have enough guilt in my life without feeling responsible for the fragile egos of post-adolescent males, thank you.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
On OK Cupid
Perhaps I am judging too harshly. Perhaps not all online dating sites are as frustrating. Perhaps I'm just a cynical bitch.
I just can't help that almost every time I receive any kind of message from OK Cupid, I sigh in exasperation. The exception is only if I happen to already know the sender (and even then sometimes. Really? Must you say that to me... ugh... Do you know me at all?). Whether it be "someone's checking you out RIGHT NOW" [creepy] or "SoAndSo chose you from their quiver"[awkward] or "DudeStuff sent you a message"[comes with free guilt], I know that I will be disappointed. And it's not always for the same reason.
Rarely do I complain over someone's looks. Honestly, I don't really care that much what they look like if they're an interesting person. So he looks like Tyrion Lannister. So what? If he talks and thinks like Tyrion Lannister, I've got no qualms!
Thing is, most often those that message me say something deeply inane. "Nice profile. Your funny. Want 2 chat?" Sigh. Or, like today, someone has a username that makes me uncomfortable. "Diabloblanco" is very similar to me as "ImAWhitey" and "HonkeyTime". Must you so clearly label your race when your profile picture (apparently you're sleeping with a stuffed lion - perhaps a dog) states it for you?
Occasionally someone says something interesting. Often it's "Oh, I read that book", but then it devolves into "I read that book and I hated it even though you loved it deeply. I thought it was boring, and didn't understand what the fuss was about." After I read that (which is often) all the rest I can read is "blah blah blah my opinion is better than yours blah blah blah" It is amazing how many men believe that the way to a woman's heart is to impress upon her the stunning brilliance of their idiotic and unsupported opinions. This isn't limited to books. It's even more true of film and almost ubiquitous when it comes to music. I don't get why guys think I'll be impressed when they tell me they think Kevin Smith is stupid. You already know I love his work. Why would your hatred impress me?
Actually this speaks to an even greater phenomenon among post-adolescent males. The Negative Nancy. Not only are most things stupid and beneath them, but all things that aren't are overrated. Tell a guy you like Cory Doctorow and Neal Stephenson and he'll tell you that Cory Doctorow has no idea what he's talking about and Neal Stephenson is boring and overrated. Tell him you like Quentin Tarantino and Sleater-Kinney and he'll tell you Sleater-Kinney is a whiny girl band and you'd totally like some death metal bullshit better (he'll make you a mix, if you want) and that Tarantino's a camera hog who knows nothing about film. Nothing is good enough for this man and you will never like anything cool enough for him. WHY should I spend time with them if they spend their entire hour and a half telling me my opinions are stupid? Yes, sir, that's why I never called back. Oh and also you're a drama queen.
Back to OKC.
Once I had a guy say, "I see you like Roger Zelazny. I have heard of him but may or may not have read anything by him." Really? Wow. That was a complete waste of both of our times. Are you a spy or something? Are you TRYING to keep information from me? You know I never gave a damn, right?
The chat feature is a joke. Invariably someone messages me. Says "hi" and then gets offended when I don't respond. Perhaps I'm busy or watching a movie or basically doing things to amuse myself not hanging on your every word. WHO ARE YOU?
Then there's these guys. Lots of them. "Hi there, I'm Sweaney, turned 43 earlier this month. I know that's 11 years outside of your posted age range, but apparently, I messaged you anyway. :)" Uhh... really? 43 huh? ok... there's a reason I have a posted age range, it's cuz I don't feel comfortable dating someone who could have had children who watched Ren&Stimpy. At least he didn't open with his "I like to get naked" line...
Guys who say "I was intrigued by your profile." or "I'd really like to get to know you." really just make me nervous. Were you truly intrigued by the biting sarcasm? Or was it the cynical jokes? The randomly goofy references to bullshit pop culture? Or the daring mention of tentacle porn? I just have to wonder if they get the joke. Get that it's on them and me and everyone on this ridiculous farce of a site. I should tear it down, but I keep it up on the off-chance that I sign on one day and someone genuinely catches my eye.
Perhaps I still have hope. Perhaps I'm bored. Perhaps I'm simply too damned lazy. Whatever the reason, I can't help feeling like the joke really is on me. Yes, you unwashed masses, please continue messaging me inane statements commenting on my taste in media. Please. It's what I long for.
And people wonder why I'm an escapist!
I just can't help that almost every time I receive any kind of message from OK Cupid, I sigh in exasperation. The exception is only if I happen to already know the sender (and even then sometimes. Really? Must you say that to me... ugh... Do you know me at all?). Whether it be "someone's checking you out RIGHT NOW" [creepy] or "SoAndSo chose you from their quiver"[awkward] or "DudeStuff sent you a message"[comes with free guilt], I know that I will be disappointed. And it's not always for the same reason.
Rarely do I complain over someone's looks. Honestly, I don't really care that much what they look like if they're an interesting person. So he looks like Tyrion Lannister. So what? If he talks and thinks like Tyrion Lannister, I've got no qualms!
Thing is, most often those that message me say something deeply inane. "Nice profile. Your funny. Want 2 chat?" Sigh. Or, like today, someone has a username that makes me uncomfortable. "Diabloblanco" is very similar to me as "ImAWhitey" and "HonkeyTime". Must you so clearly label your race when your profile picture (apparently you're sleeping with a stuffed lion - perhaps a dog) states it for you?
Occasionally someone says something interesting. Often it's "Oh, I read that book", but then it devolves into "I read that book and I hated it even though you loved it deeply. I thought it was boring, and didn't understand what the fuss was about." After I read that (which is often) all the rest I can read is "blah blah blah my opinion is better than yours blah blah blah" It is amazing how many men believe that the way to a woman's heart is to impress upon her the stunning brilliance of their idiotic and unsupported opinions. This isn't limited to books. It's even more true of film and almost ubiquitous when it comes to music. I don't get why guys think I'll be impressed when they tell me they think Kevin Smith is stupid. You already know I love his work. Why would your hatred impress me?
Actually this speaks to an even greater phenomenon among post-adolescent males. The Negative Nancy. Not only are most things stupid and beneath them, but all things that aren't are overrated. Tell a guy you like Cory Doctorow and Neal Stephenson and he'll tell you that Cory Doctorow has no idea what he's talking about and Neal Stephenson is boring and overrated. Tell him you like Quentin Tarantino and Sleater-Kinney and he'll tell you Sleater-Kinney is a whiny girl band and you'd totally like some death metal bullshit better (he'll make you a mix, if you want) and that Tarantino's a camera hog who knows nothing about film. Nothing is good enough for this man and you will never like anything cool enough for him. WHY should I spend time with them if they spend their entire hour and a half telling me my opinions are stupid? Yes, sir, that's why I never called back. Oh and also you're a drama queen.
Back to OKC.
Once I had a guy say, "I see you like Roger Zelazny. I have heard of him but may or may not have read anything by him." Really? Wow. That was a complete waste of both of our times. Are you a spy or something? Are you TRYING to keep information from me? You know I never gave a damn, right?
The chat feature is a joke. Invariably someone messages me. Says "hi" and then gets offended when I don't respond. Perhaps I'm busy or watching a movie or basically doing things to amuse myself not hanging on your every word. WHO ARE YOU?
Then there's these guys. Lots of them. "Hi there, I'm Sweaney, turned 43 earlier this month. I know that's 11 years outside of your posted age range, but apparently, I messaged you anyway. :)" Uhh... really? 43 huh? ok... there's a reason I have a posted age range, it's cuz I don't feel comfortable dating someone who could have had children who watched Ren&Stimpy. At least he didn't open with his "I like to get naked" line...
Guys who say "I was intrigued by your profile." or "I'd really like to get to know you." really just make me nervous. Were you truly intrigued by the biting sarcasm? Or was it the cynical jokes? The randomly goofy references to bullshit pop culture? Or the daring mention of tentacle porn? I just have to wonder if they get the joke. Get that it's on them and me and everyone on this ridiculous farce of a site. I should tear it down, but I keep it up on the off-chance that I sign on one day and someone genuinely catches my eye.
Perhaps I still have hope. Perhaps I'm bored. Perhaps I'm simply too damned lazy. Whatever the reason, I can't help feeling like the joke really is on me. Yes, you unwashed masses, please continue messaging me inane statements commenting on my taste in media. Please. It's what I long for.
And people wonder why I'm an escapist!
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