like a tame cat trying so hard to be as wild as her tiger friends

Some undergrad inexplicably made me think of Ian H in high school. The kid probably walked a certain way or maybe it was a white tshirt and black floppy bookbag, but clear as day i was back in the CAHS cafeteria with him eating some disgustingly greasy substance and questioning whether it was truly dead. I remembered what he meant to me then. A walking symbol of where I'd come from and the utopia I'd arrived in.

I remember him in middle school but always apart, only because of the way it was there. People were separate. The stifling pressure of conformity. He was older, but always nice. Never gave in to the conformity or the separation. I looked up to him even then. He damned the man, and never said sorry.

When he transferred with Moni and me, i had no idea that would solidify our friendship in the way it did. He reminded me of my cousin and all the girls thought he was the cutest, which got weird a couple times. But having him around always reminded me of how far i'd come in my journey. I'd come to a haven of creativity and support and considering the desolation i had come from, i couldnt help ride the wave of elation.

I had never truly let myself believe that it would end. The freedom, the confidence that came with that freedom. We were all big fish in small ponds there. And therein lies the beauty of that place. We had the headroom to soar above the mundane ;)

I guess in a way Ian always represented that to me. The example of what one could become when one is freed from social prison and asked to BE. Perhaps i put too much on an adolescent boy, but people never know the effect they have on others. Just by being himself he helped teach me not just to trust myself, but the CAHS world too. A sempai, a mentor, a zen master. Hope he's doing well. :)  

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